How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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