his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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