I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
