just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
