Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
