Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
