I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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