Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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