You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
