Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
