did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
