I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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