Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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