I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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