Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
