on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
