no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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