Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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