dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
