she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
