that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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