Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Small penises have feelings too.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
