1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
