hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
