My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
