The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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