There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
