when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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