It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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