i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
