dude i'm inner monologue high
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
