Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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