my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
