opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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