They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
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rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
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Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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