I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
