My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
