Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize