I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
