She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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