I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
