I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
