and my herpes radar will keep us safe
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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