I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
