fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
