dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
