well I can't set my house on fire every night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
