I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
