Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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