dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
