I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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