I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
