My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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