Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
