i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
