Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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