what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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