I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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