I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
