That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
