I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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