Your tits are I can't wait for
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
