he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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