Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
