A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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