I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
