worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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