Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
