His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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