Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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