I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
