I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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