he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The police scanner is talking about you again....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
